(I've Got The) Funeral Blues

Today I attended the funeral of a friend/co-worker who's Mom I blogged about last week (the one who's Mom was struggling and was ready to die). I wanted to go to the funeral to support my friend Maggie, even though I had never met or known her Mom.

As it got closer to the time of the funeral, anxiety set in about going. Most of you know my intense fear of the physicality of death and everything surrounding that. Add to that the sadness/grief factor and it makes for a very stressful and upsetting experience. So as much as I was fearing it and feeling a TON of anxiety about going into the church, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a packed church and they had a blown-up picture of her Mom on an easel at the front of the church which was very nice. The service was very different than other funerals I have been to - it was not super formal and sad, but rather light, humorous at times and very informal. The people who spoke were very conversational while they talked about my friend's Mom and there were lots of moments that everyone found themselves laughing. It was definitely more of a celebration of the life rather than a preoccupation with the death.

That is exactly how I want it to be when I die or anyone I love dies. I want people to remember when I did stupid things or when I encouraged, helped or supported people - not be sad that I'm having the time of my life with God! Then I started to reflect on how people would describe me after I die. At that moment, sitting in the back row of the funeral, I decided that I needed to improve on some areas if I really want others to think of me how I would like to be thought of. I haven't been the best at communicating with people (calling/emailing), even though I think of people in my life all the time. I love to sit on my back porch swing and remember fun times with friends and family - but yet I don't call that person and tell them that I was thinking about a fabulous memory of them. I need to get better at that.