Reflections of....what used to be

This post is not intended to be sad, depressing or bitter - just reflective. Today would've marked my 5-year wedding anniversary, had I still been married. I actually forgot about it in the last few days, but just happened to see something today that said "August 16, 2008" and then I remembered that something magical happened on that date just five years ago. It was a bittersweet day for me on my wedding day....I was marrying the man that I loved with all my heart, but I was missing my Dad who had passed away just 6 months before. It was probably the hottest, most humid day of 2003 (well, you Texas readers wouldn't think so) in Minnesota, but I didn't care - it was the most important day of my life. I had an absolute blast with all of our friends and family - only good memories of that day.

.........And now fast forward five years........

My life now is completely different than I could have ever imagined on that day five years ago. I was very naive (although I would've told you I wasn't if you asked me then) and I thought that people didn't change and they don't break promises.......but what I found out was that that they did and they do. However, like I said above, this isn't intended to be a sad or bitter post. It's just me saying how I feel in an honest way. I remember that day very vividly, but maybe I shouldn't be able to, considering all that I have experienced since then. I don't regret marrying him, but wish that I could have back the piece of my heart that seems to be gone forever - the part that believes in absolute commitment, trusting completely in someone.
However, as much as I could say that I am permanently damaged by the choices of someone else who I trusted and gave my heart to, I could also look at the things I have experienced since December 2004 when he made that life-changing decision to leave. Here are just a few of them:

*a very interesting job at the convention center in Toledo that was different than anything I had done before.
*travels to Ohio, Michigan, West Virgina, Pennsylvania, Indiana, New York, Canada, etc.
*meeting some absolutely positively wonderful friends in Toledo who I miss terribly
*finding out who my real friends are, who will be there no matter what...and who won't
*exploring my faith in God (which hasn't been an easy or smooth road, but at least I'm on it!)
*discovering that I can live and persevere through so much more than I ever thought possible
*realizing that I was stronger than I thought and I would be able to get through anything life would throw at me
*then realizing that I couldn't do it alone, so I slowly learned how to reach out to others when I couldn't go any further on my own (I'm still really working on this one)
*Developed a tremendous respect for my Mom during these tough years since we both lost our husbands (and everything she has been through in her life) - she's the strongest woman I know
*I have found several wonderful male friends who have encouraged me, loved me and restored my faith in men when I didn't have any left
*having the opportunity and freedom to move to Texas, where I have wanted to live since early 2002
*I bought my first house on my own - something I thought I needed a man to be able to do

I am very thankful for the good things in my life and I do not want to let a very devastating occurence in my life dictate my future and how I live it. I'm certainly not "cured" from what happened - I will never be able to "go back to" the person I was before it happened, but that may not be a bad thing in the end. I'm a work-in-progress and God's not done with me yet.......so I must be patient.