Thankful Thursday

This week I am thankful for a little healthy rebellion in my life. I am and always have been a 'rules follower' and very predictable......but this year is really shaking things up for me. I have been all over the board emotionally, my job is uncertain, my next move is unclear, I'm impatient, restless, etc. I'm just a big mess this year, basically! At any rate, Jenks has really gotten me into these random road trips and I have come to love getting out of town at any cost - a complete change of scenery from my daily life during the week. I know I'm probably just trying to 'escape reality'......but so what?!

I have felt kind of rebellious this year, wondering why I am so diligent, always trying to do the right thing.....when doing the right thing and CARING SO MUCH hasn't gotten me where I wanted to be. Some things are just going to happen the way they happen and I need to stop over analyzing and putting so much stock in things, mostly on the work front.

I feel like growing my hair out again, drinking whiskey once in a while and leaving town when I get fed up, instead of brooding about things and wondering why no one else cares about things as much as I do. I'm quite honestly exhausted from worrying and caring about everything being perfect and I need to FEEL ALIVE more often than I do. It's usually when I finally do feel alive that I realize that it's been to long since the last time I felt that way......

Maybe all of this upheaval, restlessness, frustration, etc. this year is pushing me to break free of some ways of thinking and doing life......well, God, you know how to get my attention! I think this is definitely a year of inner struggle for me and I'm planning on coming out of this a different person..........and I'm thankful for that! Now, where's my whiskey and Diet Coke?