
This week I had an epiphany of sorts....I think I am finding happiness and contentment for the first time in about 6 years. For a variety of reasons, the past 6 years have been tumultuous, unsettling and a struggle to find hope. There have been many times where I thought God just forgot about me and took my portion of life's blessings and divided them out among others....and made me watch. I really questioned God and struggled with my faith....how could a loving God who made promises to take care of me in my darkest hour just bail on me?

Since I moved to Texas earlier this year, I have slowly started feeling joy again and enjoyed many blessings. Sometimes in small ways, sometimes like a wave that knocks me over. I knew that by moving down here, it wasn't going to be like snapping your fingers and all of the hurt, sorrow, anger and disappointment from the last few years would just evaporate....but I REALLY underestimated how much healing was possible by just taking this leap and doing something for ME that I have really wanted to do for YEARS.
This year I fulfilled 2 huge goals of mine - moving to Texas and buying my first house. Both of those were scary, frustrating at times, and stress-filled, but in the end they were exactly what I needed. I gained so much from moving down here and tackling those goals on my own, I can't even tell you. I finally feel like I'm coming into my own and becoming truly comfortable and confident in my own skin.

And as much as I would like to take all of the credit for the successes, triumphs, and achievements in my life this year...I really need to thank God for all he has given me, shown me and taught me through not only this year of blessings, but the last few years of struggle, darkness and sadness. It was during those times when I thought God had left me, forgotten about me, and given up on me....but in all reality, God was there and preparing me for bigger things he had in store for me, but I was too impatient to see that.
In a lot of ways, my life in the last 6 years reminds me of the "Footprints" poem. I only saw the one set of footprints in the sand and I felt betrayed and abandoned...but what I failed to recognize was that God was there during that whole time. He was carrying me and trying to mold and prepare me for the huge blessings that were coming.
