Holding On....

"I always thought that holding on was the strongest thing a person could do...now I see that it is letting go that takes an enormous amount of courage & strength." ~Anonymous

I saw this quote recently and found it quite thought provoking. I think that holding on AND letting go take an enormous amount of courage and strength - at different times in your life. It's determining which you should be doing at any given time that is the REALLY challenging part.

Sometimes we let go when we are supposed to be holding on for dear life and then there are other times when we should stop hanging on and just be willing to let things go. I have tried to know the difference, but failed at this often...

One thing that comes to mind when I read this quote is the idea of "family." At this point in my life, my only living family members are my Mom and sister. That's not very many, especially compared to some of my friends who have their spouse, children, parents, grandparents, several siblings, a gaggle of nieces, nephews, uncles, cousins, in-laws, and on and on and on.

I long for a family, a sense of belonging, of unconditional love, but it seems to be elusive and not in the cards for me. I know my Mom loves me unconditionally, which I am grateful for....however, we are very different people with very different hobbies, lifestyles, environment, etc. I am a very nostalgic, sentimental person and she just isn't. That doesn't mean either one of us is wrong or lacking, just different.

For some reason, I just keep hanging on to this idea that I need this big huge family in order to be happy and that's just not in the cards for me and I need to accept that and "let it go" like that quote says. I have realized over the years that family really is the group of people who you are close to in your life and the ones who would drop everything and help you when you really need them. And I have many sweet friends who would and HAVE done that.

So basically, I need to let go of the formal definition of a family because I am not going to have that and I need to accept it and move on. It's so very hard for me - especially at the holidays, because the idea of 'family gatherings' is shoved in my face for months and it makes me very sad and long for those connections. But I need to stop focusing on what I don't have and concentrate on the wonderful blessings of an 'alternative' family that God has woven in my life over the years.