I haven't done many posts in the past few months that are like this - just straight 'telling my mind,' so here goes.......
To be quite honest, I have felt very agitated, restless, irritated and spiritually empty lately. A lot of it comes from the fact that finding a mate has become quite elusive and it really bugs me that others are getting exactly what I want and not even realizing what a precious gift it really is. It irritates me that some people seem to float through life and get everything they want - in the timing that they want. I almost feel like I must be being punished for something I did, and like a parent disciplines their child, God is disciplining me. I just wish I knew what it was that I did and I'll stop doing it!
I have a lot to be thankful for in my life - a great job, a fabulous dog, my own house, wonderful friends, a fantastic childhood/upbringing, etc. The list goes on as far as blessings go, but yet I'm still feeling a huge void in my heart - a void that even friends and a dog cannot fill.....and that void is a mate.I have just been feeling on-edge a lot lately.......and I am watching a good friend go through a very difficult divorce right now and that just brings back some very sad and angry feelings from when I was navigating my way through that stage of my life. It's just so life-changing and devastating - I just am losing faith in men and people when I keep seeing them act cruel and heartless.
Anyway, I think I need to just hit the floor and start praying like crazy - pray for inner peace, pray for contentment with exactly what I have and exactly where I am, pray for gratitude and a change of attitude, pray for patience, pray for insight, pray for tears if that's what I need to do, pray for answers, etc. The list goes on and on......I better go get started........
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